


If Shadows Could Speak

by s3471g3r12



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Spirits, Angst, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Sadstuck, Sexual Content, Shadow Beings, Slow Burn, This is Going to Get Wild
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-19 13:49:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11899056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s3471g3r12/pseuds/s3471g3r12
Summary: A boy.A figure.A death.A love.A beginning.An end.





	1. Dark Figure/Light Setting

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work so I'm not really sure what I'm doing here; regardless, here's the beginning of a series I'm looking forward to writing. It will focus more on the shadow beings concept rather than the college aspect and the chapters will grow in length after I get used to my new school and acquire more free time. I hope someone finds enjoyment in reading this.

It was just a normal, cloudy day in the residential areas of Illinois when I first met him. I had pulled an all-nighter prior to the first day of school, resulting in my being exhausted and dreary. My backpack on, my hair styled back, and my shades on, I walked out the door of my two-story lake house to school. It was my first year of college and I would never admit it to anyone, but I was a tad anxious; I didn't know if I could bare it if I fucked up again in front of so many judgmental assholes. I went through the day fine until the end when a guy started to pick on me. I was just walking to my next class when he came up from behind me and pushed me against the wall. He was about my height, roughly 5'10" with broad shoulders and a skinny torso, with curly black hair strewn all over the place as if he had rolled out of bed and came here without bothering to fix any of it up, beady eyes, and - most notably- polka dotted pants. 

"What the hell do you want?" I inquired with a sneer. 

He placed a calloused hand on my shoulder, squeezing hard. "Nothin' at all." He paused briefly, tilting his head in my direction. "Tormenting you would be a fine pleasure, though."

He said it with such an odd, raspy voice- as if he could cut through metal with it and soothe children to sleep with lullabies simultaneously. I shoved him off and he hit me hard in the jaw with a flying fist. He practically cackled and people started to gather around, fumbling to pull out their phones while chanting repetitions of, "Fight!" 

"Just leave me alone before you get hurt."

His laughing grew in volume before he brusquely cleared his throat and locked his eyes with mine. "You can't hurt me, ya freak." 

The presumably upperclassman grabbed my shades and snapped them in half with a sly smirk. "Whatcha gonna do about it?"

I clenched my fist and prepared to swing at him before something black rushed out from behind me and knocked him down in a flash. The figure itself looked like a blank blur of a person regardless of how many times I blinked my eyes, pondering if I needed some actual perscription glasses. 

Everyone- including myself- had stepped back in confusion and fear. The bully on the floor was writhing in agony as blood poured from his eye sockets and mouth. The figure ran at me and I raised my arms into an X to block myself from the blow and closed my eyes; however, I never felt it. I opened my eyes, lowering my hands slowly. I turned, searching for it, but couldn't find anything but the faces of horrified students, scrambling away from the scene and calling for teachers. 

Someone in the back of the crowd caught my eye, though. If you opened a dictionary and found the words dark and handsome, you'd find pictures of him there. With a mess of almond hair, piercing green eyes wide behind his glasses, and caramel skin, he stood looming off to the side with an expression of awe and curiosity, not a hint of fear. We made eye contact for a split second before he averted my gaze and I avoided his. That was just my first encounter with him.

The parademics arrived and took the bully away.

He died later that day.


	2. A Force to be Reckoned With

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got inspired and decided to write the second chapter today, as well. The next chapter will delve more into what exactly the black, blurry figure is. Enjoy!

I hadn't realized that I had a bruise on my face until near the end of the day when the odd boy notified me of its presence. The college staff continued the school day like normal so as not to increase the intensity of the fear in the other students. I was being avoided and thrown nervous glares at by almost everyone after the bully incident. As I sat down in my calculus class in one of the red cushioned seats in a big U formation around the wooden stand for the professor, preparing to use my auto-responder shades to help me with calculations, the dark and handsome boy from earlier took a seat beside me. He glanced at me with a smile that died quickly. 

"Sakes alive! That is one massive bruise you got there." He reached out as if to touch it when I instinctively grabbed his wrist tightly. His features shifted to a worried expression before nervously chuckling. "I uh could help you with that if you'll let me, chap." I loosened my grip and dropped my hand.

"Sorry," I muttered. "Yeah. I'd appreciate the help, I guess." 

"That's swell!" He grinned. "The name's Jake, Jake English. And who might you be?" 

"Dirk Strider." Man, the temptation to say, "The Prince of Irony," was so strong. 

"What a nice name!" He continued to talk but I couldn't help examining his facial features more, now that I had a better view. Jake had tiny freckles coated like sprinkles on a cupcake across the bridge of his nose and on the tops of his cheeks, as well as little dimples around his mouth and crinkles under his eyes when he smiled. God, his joy was slightly overwhelming, but different in a warm and pleasant way that I welcomed with open arms. The way he beamed with excitement was shown not only through his movements, but the way those forest eyes sparkled. I could've gotten lost in those bright bulbs. They were always vivid and wide with wonder. "Anywho, the class is about to start, but you should visit my dorm after the school day is over and I'll help you hide that big ole mark there." He got out a piece of notebook paper, tearing off a tiny section from the bottom and writing his address, room, and phone number down. "The phone number is just in case you happen to get lost." Jake slid the paper to me from across the table and I grabbed it, folding it in half and tucking it into my back pants pocket. 

"Thanks. I'll be there." With nothing else to do, I decided I might as well go. It wasn't like anything could go wrong there. 

"No problem, Dirk!" 

"Good morning, class," the professor's voice boomed from the stand, drawing our attention to him as our conversation was put off.

* * *

The school day ended and I pulled up the directions to Jake's dorm on my auto-responder shades. I ended up taking a few wrong turns because of A.R. purposely supplying me with the incorrect route, but I eventually made it. As I rounded the corner of the block, I saw Jake standing outside of the door with a girl about half his height, wavy and long, dark chocolate-colored hair swirling in the breeze, with round glasses and the same freckles and caramel skin as Jake. I assumed that they were related somehow. As I inched closer to my destination, Jake spotted me and smiled wide, waving me over. He quietly said something to the girl next to him and she smirked, nudging him in the shoulder where he lightly hit her away. 

"Hey, Jake," I said as I walked to stand in front of him, glancing down at the girl. 

"Welcome, Dirk! This is my lovely abode and this right here is my delightful cousin, Jade." 

"Hi, Dirk! It's a pleasure!" She reached out a hand to me and I reached back and took it in mine, shocked at her strong grip. 

"Likewise." Once I had pulled away, I looked back to Jake. "Can we go in?" 

"Of course!" Jake leaned down to hug Jade. "Go find John and hang out with him until I'm free again, and then we can all hang out for the rest of the night," he murmured to her as she returned the hug. 

"Will do. Bye, Jake!" Jade ran off in the direction I had originally come from. Jake rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. 

"Sorry about that. I forgot it was family visiting day." 

Family visiting day was just another day for me. The only family that I knew I had left was a young boy named Dave in a location unknown to me. I remembered him when Jake mentioned the day and grimaced at the thought of him being alone, but quickly shrugged it off and cleared my mind of it. 

"It's fine," I replied, distracted by the building in front of me. Jake lived in a three-story dorm, four rooms per floor- two on the left side and two on the right with a staircase leading down the middle. 

"I'll show you in and then I can fix you all up! Follow me." 

We walked inside, Jake leading and greeting a few of the other people sitting around in sporadically scattered sofas. We went up twice to reach the third floor, taking a right at the top of the stairs and walking to the second door down. He pulled a key out from his shoe and unlocked the door, pushing it open and walking in, shutting the door after I had joined him inside. The room walls were engulfed in posters of shitty movies, hiding the actual color of the walls themselves. It was a regular, square-shaped room with barely any furniture. There was a fold down bed adorned with green sheets in the back, right hand corner and a nightstand with a plain, quaint lamp on it right beside the bed. A white dresser stood against the middle of the wall to the left of the door and a small, brown suitcase laid empty on top of it. Nothing else was there besides a hefty-looking, dark blue safe secured with a lock in the back, left hand corner of the room. 

Jake hopped onto his bed, leaning back onto the pillows propped up behind him. He looked up at me as I awkwardly stood at the end of the bed, resting my hands on the edge. 

"So...are you going to help me with this bruise?" I asked, tapping my foot on the soft carpet out of nervous habit. 

Jake laughed softly before sighing. "Actually, I brought you here to talk in private." 

I felt my brows furrow in confusion and suspicion; my gut had told me not to trust him. 

"We need to discuss what happened with Gamzee."


	3. A Storm Cloud and a Rainbow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so if anyone actually reads this, let me know if you would prefer longer chapters that take longer to post or shorter chapters that are posted every few days. I am also debating on whether or not I should add NSFW content later on, but we'll see. Any input is welcome.

I cocked an eyebrow at Jake. "Who's Gamzee?"

He gaped at me. "Seriously? You don't even know the name of the guy you killed?"

"Uh, last I checked, I haven't killed anyone," I replied angrily. That accusation was insane. 

Jake sat up, looking at me with an almost pitying expression. "You really don't know anything about what happened with him, do you?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Just listen to me, Dirk. This might sound a bit strange, but please just trust me here." He look a deep breath. "I saw what happened. Gamzee pushed you, you got mad, and then your shadow attacked and killed him. Your shadow-"

I cut him off with a sarcastic laugh. "First, you accuse me of murder and then next, you say my shadow is what killed the guy. Alright, I'm leaving."

He hopped off of the bed in a flash and blocked the door with his body. "Please! Just hear me out."

I eyed him frustratingly before giving up; I could never say no to those big, sad eyes. "Fine," I muttered, sitting on the end of the bed. "Continue." I motioned for him to sit back in his spot and he complied.

Jake picked at the covers, eyes down. "When the universe started and the void collapsed in on itself and the Big Bang was set into motion, a piece of that void was not destroyed. Rather than ceasing to exist like the rest of the void, it was given life in a sense. It is theorized that the radiation left over from the Big Bang was pulled into the void and absorbed, made its main life source."

He paused and I took the opportunity to ask, "What does that stuff have to do with me?"

"Us. It has to do with us." Jake looked back up to me. "After the void discovered Earth, it was drawn to dark and empty things just like it and one day, it found someone's shadow. The void hijacked the shadow and has been passed on hereditarily ever since. It is activated when the carrier is emotionally distressed, like how you were mad at Gamzee earlier. The thing is that somewhere along its journey, the void split into two, making it have control over two shadows. It got bored of being the occupant of only one shadow I guess, so it taught itself to be transferable when a carrier and a normal person have uh..." Jake looked away, his cheeks flushing for a second before he gathered his composure again, turning his head back to face me. "The transfer occurs when a carrier and normal person partake in sexual activities." He stood up and walked to stand in front of me at the end of the bed. "We're the current carriers."

I looked up at him with a slight frown. "This sounds stupid."

He put a hand on his hip and frowned back at me. "I wouldn't have just created such an elaborate explanation for the sake of tomfoolery, and what other reasoning would there be for your experience?"

I paused. "Then explain where it went after it ran at me; I didn't see it anywhere after that."

Jake tapped his index finger against my chest on the surface above my heart. "It lives inside you. Next time something like this happens and it's outside of your body, look for your shadow and I guarantee you won't find it anywhere."

I crossed my arms. "So if this is true...you have it, too?"

He nodded. "I do, and I'm going to teach you how to control your shadow. It's not easy but if you don't learn, something worse than the Gamzee incident will take place."

I shook my head. "Nah, this is crazy. I'm going." I walked to the door, opening it. 

Jake slid through my legs to stand between me and the hall, biting his lip. "Just...be careful."

I lightly pushed his shoulder away and left in a hurry.

Needless to say, I didn't sleep that night and I skipped school the next day.


	4. The Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be posting a chapter a day over this weekend or two chapters every other day, so that's my way of making it up to you guys for all of the chapters being fairly short; I hope it compensates well!

I recall spending my time making up work that I missed from the school day that I skipped, and how I got stressed so I went to the restroom to splash my face with water. After doing that, I had looked at myself in the mirror. Freckles barely visible on my pale skin, spiked sandy blonde hair, and my shades obstructing the view of my eyes. I removed the shades, setting them on the side of the sink before looking back up to my reflection. Twin sunsets stared back at me, flecks of gold circling my pupil. I didn’t like it so I stood there, staring into my own eyes, berating myself in my racing, self-deprecating thoughts when I saw motion. 

The shadow emerged from my chest and flung itself at and through the mirror, shattering it into pieces that flew everywhere. I tried to block as much of the debris as I could, but I still got many cuts on my arms, hands, and one near my eye- that one would leave a scar later. I froze in surprise, looking down at all of the fragments dispersed on the floor. My attention was turned back to the destroyed mirror when I saw my shadow peeking through it as if hesitant to move closer to me. I looked down at the floor all around me when I remembered what Jake had said and as he stated, my shadow was nowhere to be seen on the ground. 

“Goddamn it, you made such a mess,” I said to my shadow, slowly moving towards it while trying my best to avoid the glass shards. 

“Can I…feel you?” My question rhetorical, I reached a hand out to touch its arm and where I expected contact to begin, my hand swiped straight through, leaving grey swirls in the air like dust. 

The shadow moved closer, hovering around in circles as if observing me as I followed it with my gaze. It seemed harmless, but the bully incident and the broken mirror proved otherwise; regardless, it approached me with a tilted head, our noses almost touching before it walked “through” me. I looked down and my shadow had returned to the floor, no sign of it being its own entity evident. My shades lit up, A.R. pulling up Jake’s number which I then called. 

“Hello! Jake speaking.” 

“Jake, I think it might be a good time to start that training you mentioned.”

It took him a second to process what I had said. “What happened?”

“I was just looking in the mirror when it appeared and fucked up the glass,” I answered, purposefully leaving out the part about my self-hatred; maybe I’d explain some other time. “Besides the minor cuts on me, I’m okay.”

Jake sighed. “I knew we should’ve started sooner,” he muttered before he spoke louder for me to hear, “We need to begin soon. As it starts leaving your body more often of its own volition, the more it does things that you don’t want. You need to connect with it and form a bond so you can keep it under your reign at all times.”

“How would I do that?”

“Come to my dorm and I’ll take you to my grandmother’s. She has a huge and vacant basement that would be perfect for us to use for training. I'll show you how to keep it in check then.”

I contemplated this and decided that in order to protect myself and others, this was practically a necessity. 

“I’ll come. Is now a good time?” I could almost feel his smile through the call.

“Capital! I’ll be waiting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More chapters coming soon! Thanks for tuning in, as always.


	5. This isn't Happening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally have the whole story outlined and I know where I want this to go, so hold tight because it'll be a bumpy ride.

After obtaining a broom and discarding the shards of glass covering the tile floor of the bathroom and returning my glasses to their home on the bridge of my nose, I headed to Jake’s dorm. It was easier to find this time around and I was there in roughly five minutes. When I arrived, Jake was waiting outside, a dark green jacket that made his eyes pop wrapped around his shoulders and hugging his torso. Even from a distance, I could tell he was shivering from the way he bounced on his feet, rocking back and forth on his heels.

With a smirk, I asked, “You cold, English?”

His head perked up upon hearing me and with a small chuckle, he replied, “Most definitely, Strider. Maybe if you hadn’t taken so long, I wouldn’t be shaking like a leaf in a wind storm.” Jake’s eyes shone with a teasing light. 

“Man, don’t be so rough on me, dude. It only took me five minutes.”

He walked over to me as I continued to him, meeting halfway, and he jokingly punched me on the shoulder. I faked being seriously injured and he laughed the most beautiful laugh I’ve ever heard. It was like all of the best raps were being combined into the most badass mashup to ever grace my being. After hearing that come from him, I was determined to make him laugh again someday. 

“Follow me and I’ll drive us to my grandmother’s place,” he instructed as he began to depart from the sidewalk. I quickly caught up to him, matching his pace and walking by his side.

His car was a dark green 1963 Mustang. Was everything he owned the color of his eyes? I whistled. “Now that is a nice car.”

He grinned. “It was a gift. My grandma is just the bee’s knees at gift giving.” 

And with that said, we made small talk before he came to a halt in her driveway, putting the car in park and looking to me.

"You ready?" he inquired. 

"Always."

* * *

His grandmother was a lovely woman. While Jake was busy cleaning up the basement, she offered me tons of delicious delicacies and I happily obliged in tasting a few. Jake intervened shortly after, saying that we needed to start training. I thanked her for the food and absconded with Jake. The space had been cleared out, boxes filled with sentimental possessions lined the walls in leaning towers. The floor was stone and the walls were decorated with peeling beige wallpaper, presumably from water damage. 

“Okie dokie! What I want us to accomplish today is for you to begin learning how to willingly summon your shadow, as well as bringing it back in. That’s all I ask of you. Are you up to the challenge?”

“Of course.” I replied, glancing at his shorts. I guess he changed while I was eating. Goddamn, he had a nice ass. 

“Righto! First, I want you to think of something or someone that conjures up anger within you and we’ll see if you can summon your shadow.” Jake watched me expectantly.

I took a quick inhale and closed my eyes, myself being the first person to come to mind. I’m not sure how long it took, but I sat there thinking about my failures until I was fuming in quiet frustration when Jake exclaimed, “Bravo! You did it, Dirk.”

I slowly peeled my eyelids open and watched my shadow circle Jake as he smiled at me. How were his teeth so white?

“What now?”

He clapped his hands together. “Now, I want you to think of something or someone that makes you happy. That will probably be good enough to make your shadow return to its place inside you and then I can give you some more information on it.”

I nodded and closed my eyes again, Jake’s image burned into the backs of my eyelids. My instinct was to bite my lip, think about what it means that Jake is the one person who I actually enjoy to accompany, when he made a sound of joy. My eyes were opened again and my shadow was gone, back to the floor just as before. 

“I’m impressed! It took me forever to learn how to retrieve my shadow again. That’s aces!” Jake walked over to me, broad smile still plastered on his features as he reached a finger up to touch my neck, under my Adam’s apple. “The shadow’s radiation- its main life source if you remember my telling you that- is stored here, in your thyroid gland. It…” He trailed off, searching for my eyes through the shades. “You know, I’ve never seen your eyes, Dirk.” My thoughts were strewn about my mind as he gently took my shades off of my face and dropped his hands to his sides, gaping at my strangely-colored globes. 

I gulped. “I…I should go.” I went to turn away and he caught my hand, pulling me back and giving me a chaste kiss. 

“Your eyes are beautiful and…” Jake looked down at the floor. “Would you like to go on a date sometime?”

My mouth became dry, at a loss for words. “Yeah. That would be…that would be nice.” I rubbed my right arm with my left hand, itching to grab my shades back from him. “My place tomorrow at 7:30? I’ll send you the address.”

He glanced back up at me. “Sounds marvelous. I won’t be late.” Jake pulled out his phone from his back pocket. “I should probably get back to the dorm; it’s getting kind of late.”

“Fine by me.”

He drove us back to the dorm where he and I parted ways. As I walked back to my house, all of the day’s events hit me at once and I couldn’t help but smile until I was in bed drifting to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally getting to the good stuff. :,)
> 
> Edit: I'm sick so the chapters I planned to write this weekend are being postponed. My apologies.
> 
> Edit 2: I'm finally not sick anymore! I will be writing again throughout the week and the next chapter or two should be out this weekend. Thanks for having patience to anyone that has actually read this far. I'm grateful.


End file.
